


Keep the lights on

by FPwoper



Series: NaNoWriMo challenge 2017 [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (because Castiel cannot fully consent but he also doesn't fully engage), Dream Sex, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, The Empty is fucking with Cas, i don't know how to tag, this definitely didn't go where i wanted it to go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 07:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12676896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FPwoper/pseuds/FPwoper
Summary: "When Castiel wakes up, he’s unsure where he is at first. Then he remembers: Lucifer stabbed him and he actually died. Judging by the darkness around him, he’s still dead and currently residing in the Empty."But well... He won't be there for long if the Empty has its way. Or does it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Coconutice22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coconutice22/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I still have to watch season 12 and 13, so I have no clue what this is all about. I just want to play a little with the Empty/Qstiel. Also, since I haven’t watched season 13, I’ve got no clue what Qstiel actually is or what he says. So… just… think of this as an artistic interpretation of this whole mess.  
> So yeah.
> 
> Also, if I forgot to tag anything, or if there's any mistakes, feel free to point them out. I'm dead tired at this point because I had a long ass day and I really don't want to check this over. Weird rambly sentences were probably written during boring lectures while still pretending I was paying attention. Please tell me if there's stuff you don't get.  
> Alternatively, if you really like it, please let me know!
> 
> For Coconutice22 because you are such an enabler (but also thanks for cheering me on and giving me way too many ideas <3)

### Chapter 1

When Castiel wakes up, he’s unsure where he is at first. Then he remembers: Lucifer stabbed him and he actually _died_. Judging by the darkness around him, he’s still dead and currently residing in the Empty.

He does know that there is something awake in there, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s heard the horror stories about the things that live in the Empty, the things that supposedly are even worse than he could ever imagine. Still, it _can’t_ be _worse_ than being killed by Lucifer in front of his first ever real love (or well, maybe Cas can’t imagine what it is like for Dean – Dean never expressed his love but Castiel knows how deep his love for him runs). Maybe he’ll have to live through Dean’s pain in the Empty, then. Or maybe a copy of Dean is going to be coming back to him to torture him with the fact that Dean is in pain and Castiel can’t even help him.

When a black form rises in front of him, Castiel is immediately wary. He’s seen a great many of black stuff, and if it’s any indication, it can’t be good. His previous meeting with something black he remembers as something terrible – the Leviathan – made him drown himself.

“What are you?” Castiel asks, but the black mass doesn’t reply. It seems to read him, though, and when Castiel blinks, he’s suddenly looking at an identical copy of himself. It’s weird, off-putting – he’s looked at himself in the mirror, yes, but he’s always known that it’s a mirror image. This, however, this is something completely different. This is an _entity_ , the Empty, forming a copy of Castiel to pose as… what? Castiel doesn’t know what it wants, and why it’s there, but Castiel does know that it’s definitely not him. The other him, the _Empty_ … it _feels_ wrong and off.

“I’m you, can’t you see?” the other Castiel says. “But you can call me the Empty, or Qstiel, if you really want to give me a name. Naming something takes away the fear for it, doesn’t it.”

“Are  you implying that I’m afraid of _you_?” Castiel asks. Now that he knows how to refer to the other him, it makes it easier to distinguish between the two of them in his head. It’s just weird to address the other him as _him_ , too, simply because he can’t know about all of him.

“But I do know about you,” Qstiel says. “I basically went through all your memories. You’re here, you _belong_ here. I know everything about you.” He thinks for a moment and then adds, “but I do know that you’re afraid of me. You don’t know what I am, still, and that frightens you.”

            “Of course it scares me,” Castiel says. He feels slightly attacked but he’s still curious and afraid. He doesn’t quite know how to deal with this strange copy of himself that’s apparently a manifestation of the Empty. “You look exactly like me and you say that you know me. I don’t know where I am. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to where I belong. Why would I not be afraid?”

            “Well, because you’re supposed to be an angel,” Qstiel says. “I thought angels weren’t afraid of anything. My ideas might be a little skewed, I haven’t seen anyone in the past… several eons. The last angel to traipse through here and get returned was… I don’t even remember their name. It’s probably Death or something.”

            “I thought you knew me,” Castiel replies sarcastically. He feels a little sad, though. “I’m not an angel anymore,” he spits. “I’ve always had a crack in my chassis, and I’m not really an angel anymore.”

            “I know that, of course,” Qstiel says, mocking Castiel. “Dummy. Why wouldn’t I know that? But you still _are_ an angel right now. _You_ do know that, don’t you?”

            Castiel knows that it’s mocking him and it kind of hurts to be reminded how far he’s fallen in the past years, but at the same time it’s… soothing to know that he’s apparently still classified as an angel. However… he might actually have preferred to have a soul and be sent to Heaven (if he was allowed; living the rest of his life in a memory of Dean loving him would be amazing) or Hell (which he would probably end up in, since the road to Hell is paved in good intentions and all that…). Anything is better than the Empty, especially since the Empty is currently in his body and talking to him.

            “So if you don’t know that you are an angel… what do you know, Castiel?” Qstiel asks. “Do you know who you love? Do you know where you belong? Do you know what your purpose is in life?” The Empty chuckles and corrects itself. “I mean, what your purpose _was_ in life?”

            Castiel is growing more and more confused about what the Empty is trying to imply, so he just ignores it and hopes that not answering it is going to satisfy it. He doesn’t think it will _actually_ work, but… well, hope is a fickle thing, isn’t it?

            “I would actually quite like an answer to all three of the questions at some point, Castiel,” Qstiel says. “And sooner rather than later. I miss my sleep. The sleep you interrupted with your being awake.”

            “Why don’t you answer the questions?” Castiel says. “You supposedly know the answer to everything.” He needs to stall a little more. Somehow, Castiel doesn’t think that giving the Empty more information than it already has (or provide context for his thoughts, or maybe help it _interpret_ his thoughts) is a great idea. Also, he doesn’t want to talk about Dean whatsoever. Which is basically the answer to all three questions in one. “Why would you want to know, anyway? What’s the… meaning behind it all?”

            The Empty chuckles. “I do know, indeed. But this is a test. Do _you_ know? I want you to leave, you know. I hate when people disturb me, and since that hasn’t happened in quite a while I was curious about why it happened right now. About why _you_ were the one to disturb my sleep, basically. Yes, it’s mere curiosity that pushes me to ask these questions. I want to know if _you_ know, before I kick you right back to Earth. Like I said, I hate when people interrupt my sleep.”

            “Dean,” Castiel says, and leaves it at that. If the Empty truly was as omniscient as it claimed it was, it would understand.

            “Thank you,” Qstiel says. Castiel doesn’t even register if it’s sarcastic or not. He doesn’t even know if Qstiel wants to be sarcastic. He doesn’t care. He just wants to go back home again. “Now, I can help you get home, but only if you get some better clothes and actually do something about that whole Dean thing. Promise me, okay? Please. It’s the one – no wait, I’ve got two – those are the two _demands_ I have that you’ll have to fulfil when you return.” Qstiel pauses, then adds, “I can’t force you to come back here if you don’t meet those requirements, but I will make your afterlife a living Hell if you don’t do it, okay?”

            “Sure,” Castiel says. He doesn’t think he’ll get a better offer from the Empty, and well, those two demands were things he already wanted to change. If he really gets to go back to Earth, he wants to talk to Dean about his feelings at some point, and he’s starting to hate Jimmy’s old getup. “I’ll do that.”

            “Good,” Qstiel says. “Now get your ass to your soon-to-be boyfriend. Get the fuck out.”

            Castiel smiles and closes his eyes before lying down again.


	2. Chapter 2

### Chapter 2

 

When Castiel wakes up, he doesn’t know where he is, once again. He does know that he’s… back alive. And that he has his powers again. With a thought he’s at the bunker, hoping that Dean and Sam and Jack are actually there. He knows that the bunker is actually compromised, that too many people now know about it, and he thinks that it would be best to relocate as soon as possible.

            He feels several presences in the bunker but can’t pinpoint who they are, and where exactly they are. He has the key, but barging in doesn’t feel right. He’s been dead for… Cas doesn’t even know how long. He can’t just walk into the bunker like he used to do. Dean will absolutely flip and probably try to kill him, and Cas can’t even imagine what Sam would do. Jack is the only one who would know for sure that it’s Castiel and not some kind of imposter.

            Castiel takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. He still doesn’t fully understand how anyone can hear the sound of knocking on the door in the massive bunker, but he just goes with the flow. Obviously the Men of Letters did their research before building the bunker.

            The door creaks open before Castiel can anticipate it, and then Dean is right in front of him. Somehow, Dean’s aura is still not appearing on Castiel’s mind, and that _is_ weird. Still, Castiel has gotten used to having to do with just his human eyes in the past few years, so he can deal. He just thinks that it’s… irregular, because Qstiel did say that he was an angel again.

            He shakes the thought to focus on Dean. Dean is actually there, right in front of him. It’s amazing to see the love of his life again, but… something’s off. Dean is much more closed down than he normally is. He looks sad, and while Castiel can definitely understand that, there’s something about Dean that he can’t put his finger on, but it is _wrong_. There’s a lot wrong here, but Dean’s expression is one of them.

            “Are you here to pretend that you’re Cas?” Dean asks, and then turns around again. “We’ve had those already. Please leave.”

            “Dean?” Castiel can barely lunge forward in time to stop Dean from closing the door to the bunker again. “Dean, please.”

            “What,” Dean growls, voice dark. “You interrupt me and now you want to try and convince me that you’re Cas? Well, go ahead. You have ten seconds before I banish you away.”

            “Dean, I’m so sorry,” Castiel starts, then he notices Dean’s dark look, and he speeds up. “I was in the Empty and it… it sucked but somehow I woke up here, and please. You can do any test on me. I’m supposed to be an angel again but I think I’m still broken…”

            “Ten seconds over,” Dean says eerily steadily, and Castiel tries to see the reason for that behind it. “I’m not sure if you’re legit, but I do want to test you. Wait here for a second.”

            Castiel simply listens and waits when Dean closes the door behind him. It doesn’t take more than a minute before Dean’s back, angel blade, silver blade and holy water in his hands. He throws the holy water over Castiel first, then slices him with both the silver knife and the angel blade. When both cuts heal up nicely and Cas doesn’t flinch, Dean looks at Castiel again.

            “I think I believe you,” Dean says. “Would you care to come inside?”

            Dean never spoke so formulaic before, and Castiel mentally adds it to the tally he keeps of weird things happening since he’s arrived back on Earth. Right now, he’s not up to analysing it all, but he’ll have to keep it in the back of his mind for later deconstructing and analysing. Castiel simply follows Dean inside, noticing when the magic of the bunker starts working on him. It always kind of slows him down somehow, influencing his million-miles-an-hour angel brain and the ability to fly away at will.

            Which, right now, would definitely come in handy.

            Castiel gasps when he looks around in the bunker’s main room. There isn’t anything in there anymore, just… empty space and a lot of fluffy blankets on the floor. That’s all, except for the people in the middle. They are… carbon copies of Cas. Again.

            “What…” Castiel can’t even finish his thought before the other Castiels turn around and smile, and one by one Castiel actually recognises them.

            He sees Jimmy first, still prim and proper with all his clothes on. Then there’s Emmanuel – confused and all, also still clothed. The weird alternative universe version of him, Misha something. That one is naked. There’s also the God version of him Castiel would rather not see anymore, standing over the other versions of Castiel with a whip poised in his hand and looking very much like someone who was rudely interrupted and is going to punish someone for it. So many versions of himself again, and Castiel feels like throwing up.

            “Well, I missed you, of course,” Dean says with that empty voice of his, and that’s when Castiel notices what’s off about Dean and the other things. Dean could never have found so many different versions of Castiel without crossing over to other timelines, and that’s impossible to do without angelic interference. Since there are no other angels on Earth who would actively help any Winchester out (including Castiel), this cannot be real. That’s the only solution to the whole problem. This isn’t real, and somehow Castiel is dreaming it up.

            “Even if you are…” Jimmy says.

            “… you still want it, don’t you?” Emmanuel adds, frowning and looking at Jimmy in confusion.

            “We don’t even know how we know,” Misha says next.

            “But you can just… go with the flow.” Godstiel is the last one to speak, and the menacing eyebrow kind of turns Castiel off from the whole display. Castiel definitely doesn’t like that interpretation of himself. He still hates himself for succumbing to the Leviathans.

“Well, Castiel,” Jimmy says. “Who do you want to keep here?”

“What do you mean?” Castiel says, not understanding what Jimmy would possibly mean by that.

“Who do you want to stay with you,” Emmanuel clarifies. Misha and Godstiel simply nod and remain silent.

“You can pick two of us besides yourself,” Jimmy says.

“Whoever you want, Cas,” Misha says.

“For whatever you want,” Godstiel leers. That’s exactly what Castiel was afraid of. The pervasive feel of _wrongness_ is slowly growing, and it’s growing to such heights that it’s actually unsettling now.

“You do need to choose, Cas,” Dean says. _Wrong, wrong, wrong_. It’s all Castiel can think about now. “I’m staying, regardless, but…”

All four forms of Castiel are looking at him, and it’s even more unsettling now. He’ll have to get rid of two of these forms, and he doesn’t quite know who would be the better choice. He hates Godstiel, and that is definitely going to be his first choice, but for the second one… he doesn’t actively dislike Misha, he actually rather likes the man, but he has a wife in that alternate world. Even though he knows they are in an open relationship, his wife can’t possibly consent to him being in an alternate world and possibly… being entertained in there. To Castiel, that’s a major issue.

Castiel’s choice is made quickly after that. Emmanuel and Jimmy… even though Castiel still feels guilty about having to possess Jimmy and hurt Amelia and Claire, he can now say that he’s fairly neutral towards either of them, so if he has to pick people who will be staying with him and Dean – however that might work – Castiel would rather it be with people he kind of enjoys rather than people he outright hates. He licks his lips and takes a deep breath.

“I want Jimmy and Emmanuel to stay.”

“Good,” Jimmy says, smiling almost too broadly. Emmanuel remains silent, and just stares as both Godstiel and Misha… dissolve into nothingness. It’s weird, but Castiel simply sighs. He’s starting to get used to the kind of weirdness that’s going on. It’s only after their… dissolving that Castiel’s mind gets really blurry and weird.

Dean and Jimmy sit down and start making out. Castiel blinks. Emmanuel has joined them, stroking Dean and Jimmy all over. Blink. They are naked, and somehow Castiel is closer to them, kissing Dean passionately. Blink. Everyone is naked, and Jimmy is pounding in Dean while Emmanuel is sucking him off.

Castiel blinks and tries to slow down. He simply doesn’t understand anymore. He does understand that he’s aroused, and that he apparently really likes the sight of several copies of him being involved with Dean, but… it’s not right. He just wants Dean to himself, and somehow sharing with other versions of himself simply doesn’t work.

Also, Castiel is pretty sure that Dean still has a scar on his knee from a hunting accident, since he couldn’t heal that one. This version of Dean doesn’t have it.

Would Dean even allow three men to do this to him? Would Dean even allow _men_ to be this close to him sexually? Castiel knows that Dean has… been involved with men in the past, but sometimes he can’t understand if that’s something Dean is actually okay with, or if it’s something that his father ruined for him, too.

Castiel gasps as someone – something – touches him, and he sees Dean right in front of him.

“Aren’t you having fun, Castiel?” Dean asks, voice sultry. That’s when Castiel knows. Or well… he hopes he knows. This isn’t real. It’s a dream. The Empty is trying to send him back to sleep to finally get him to shut up, and Castiel does _not_ want to stay in the Empty. Trying to recreate Dean from Castiel’s memory hasn’t gone according to plan, and the thing is… Castiel hopes against hope that when (if? No, when) they will finally get to the point of intimacy, whether it be emotional or physical, Dean will not refer to him with his full name, but rather with the nickname Dean first started for Castiel. He would love to be called “Cas” by Dean. Dean would never…

And then everything turns black.


	3. Chapter 3

### Chapter 3

When Castiel opens his eyes, he’s unsurprised to see Qstiel again. The vast darkness of the Empty feels stifling now, and he simply wants to go home already. He doesn’t belong in the Empty – especially since he keeps waking up from the dreams Qstiel puts him into. That’s not supposed to happen, is it?

“Why are you awake again?” Qstiel says. It sounds annoyed and kind of tired.

“I don’t know, why don’t you send me back home instead of trying to keep me here with fake dreams of Dean. This was the fourth one, and I could tell it was off. Just like with the other ones.”

“I know,” Qstiel says. “That’s what bothers me. Do you know how much energy it costs me to keep sending you those dreams? You’re supposed to complete them for me, but you never do. It gets so very frustrating. Why don’t you simply _take_ that happiness and make it your own?”

“Because it isn’t my own,” Castiel says. “I know too well that I can never have Dean, and you know that too. You keep telling me, each and every time, that you know exactly what’s going on in my head but at the same time you never actually get it right… so excuse me, but I’m doubting your competence.” Castiel holds his breath after his outburst, afraid that he’s now finally gone too far, but Qstiel simply smiles. It’s eerie, but Castiel holds his place.

“I do know what you _want_ , Castiel. I know all about it. And normally, you know… Normally it works. Doesn’t matter if it’s angels, demons… Death… No, it doesn’t matter at all. Because whatever they want is what their subconscious provides them with. I only have to send them into sleep, and then they will simply keep themselves in their dream forever, and that way I don’t have to bother with… things waking up in here ever few centuries. Sometimes someone wakes up, and then I deal with them.” The Empty shakes its head. “You though… you are something different entirely. Maybe I did make a mistake. Maybe you aren’t an angel anymore.” Qstiel scratches its chin. “Maybe you should go back to Earth. If you can’t keep asleep, you’ll just be bothering me all the time, and I hate that. Like I said before.”

“I know you said that before, but you also said before that you were actually going to send me back, and well… you’ve never done so.”

“That’s completely off topic.” Qstiel seems defeated for the first time in… some time, and Castiel feels a little hope bubble up. Maybe he’s finally annoyed the empty enough to get out. He simply wants to get back to Dean, especially now that he’s seen so many botched attempts Qstiel tried to trick him into believing were real Deans. Castiel doesn’t hold any delusions that meeting the real Dean is going to work out well, but at least that is keeping his hopes in check.

What Qstiel (or the Empty) has been doing to him is something Castiel doesn’t want to experience again. It’s interfering with his feelings, kind of like a djinn would, but at the same time it’s worse. A djinn would give Cas something he’d really want, and all the Empty can come up with are… other Castiels mixed in with versions of Dean that are never the actual version of Dean Castiel wants most of all. It hurts now, to see a _wrong_ Dean, but Castiel can’t get his hopes up too far that the Empty is actually going to allow him to leave. All he can do is hope and pray that it will work out, and that when he finally gets out, Dean will still be okay with him returning to the bunker. No orgies needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](http://fpwoper.tumblr.com) come yell at me.


End file.
